Introduction to a Writer in Tights
Hello and welcome to my blog! My name is Joni and I am from Rockville, Maryland. I originally came to the University of Oklahoma for the ballet program, pursuing a degree in Ballet Performance. I have been dancing since I was seven years old and I am extremely passionate about it. One of the best parts about being involved in the fine arts department is getting to perform; if you've never ventured to the theatre on the North Oval, I highly recommend seeing a show there! During my sophomore year I decided to tackle a second major in International Studies, concentrating on the Middle East. I took a course called 'Poverty and Inequality in the Middle East' last semester that revolutionized my outlook on the region and how I think about the choices people make in their lives. It was fascinating to analyze the differing perspectives of the history books versus the people themselves. Although having two majors has proved challenging at times, I am very grateful to be able to pu
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First, I might suggest having a link on every single page for the comment wall, but I was glad to find the one on the home page. I enjoyed your approach to writing your introduction. It sounds fantastic! But, I don't have a clue about what I should expect within the rest of the storybook. I think I've been introduced to the narrator/author... but really I feel pretty clueless. The homepage tells me that Adam and Eve will play a very important role and several sets of twins that are from different Indian stories. So, I will suggest you work on clarity. I still like your approach to the introduction and hope that essentially stays the same. I also really like your banner pictures! Great choices! I'm interested in how you will tie in the bible with this, as we've been reading through the epics this semester I've been wandering how one could make connections there. Or, you might just use Adam and Eve and a bit of the creation part of the bible and that's it? That would be cool too!
ReplyDeleteHey Joni,
ReplyDelete"The Author” with a capital A… you’re going for it, and I can’t wait :).
I like the constant interplay of “the,” “you,” and “we” in your Introduction; it does so much to convey your idea of all these things being common and somehow parts of a cohesive whole. The third paragraph is so true, and so well put.
I like the idea of this personification of The Author so much… will The Author return as a character in your stories? As a narrator? You’ve made a character and simultaneously given them a deep philosophical, real-world background, and it would be a shame for that to be the end of that.
I’m also interested to see what you do with Adam and Eve. They’re obviously not twins (though the whole Adam’s rib thing complicates it all, and if the Creator is their parent… anyhoo), and I wonder how they’ll interact with all the pairs of actual twins through your stories.
(And just one little thing – is “globe world” at the end of the first paragraph a typo?)
Really excited to see where you go with this,
– Alby
Hi Joni!
ReplyDeleteI really like how your website looks! I would suggest maybe putting a link to your comment wall somewhere on your page because I had a bit of a hard time trying to find it. I found your introduction very intriguing. I really enjoyed reading it. It really grabbed my attention and kept me wondering. After reading it, I'm not really sure what to expect, but I am very interested to see where you go with it. I really like the idea of "The Author" and I am curious to see how you are going to do that. I am wondering if you are going to make the author a part of the story or if they are just going to be like an all knowing narrator in your stories. I cannot wait to see how you go about this storybook! I can tell that Adam and Eve are going to be huge part of this. It made me think of the bible and the book of Genesis. I also really like that you are going off of the idea of twins and am looking forward to seeing where you go with this!
Hi Joni! I think you have a really interesting idea for a site. I thought it was cool how you eluded to "The Author" as the all-knowing character and narrator of your story. Much like a few other commenters have already said before, I did encounter a bit of trouble when trying to navigate your site; a link to your story would be extremely helpful! I thought it was cool that you decided to connect these “invisible threads” between great epics of religious and creational literature (such as The Holy Bible, The Ramayana, and The Mahabharata). I am really looking forward to seeing the directions you take to tell these stories, and what types of “invisible” connections you will uncover! I’m curious to see how you will relate aspects from tales in the Bible, like Adam and Eve, to those we have been reading in Indian Epics. Twins, partners, and families are strong themes in all of these scripts; I’m really looking forward to reading more of your blog.
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ReplyDeleteI really liked your storybook. The images on the website help the reader to get a sense of what is going to be happening on each page of your story. The navigation you chase is also very good. It is easy to navigate between the pages of your storybook and your comment wall. I also think that your story concept is very interesting. I liked how you introduced the Author a provided a bit of backstory that helps the reader to understand what is going on in the world you created. I think you also twisted the story of Adam and Eve with the Ashwini twins into your own story very well. Overall, I like where your story seems to be going. I think your storybook is well written. Your word choice in the story helped me to feel that I was being transported into the world you created for this story.
ReplyDeleteHi Joni. This is a really neat concept. I really like the mixing of religions, and telling traditional stories through the lens of another religion. The Ashwini twins are complex and well-developed. I like that they are neither solely good nor solely bad. They are just kind of... curious and mischievous. I don't think they meant to harm Adam and Eve, nor to doom humanity. It certainly does put the Judeo-Christian creation story in a new light, though, if the evil serpent Satan is just a pair of botany-loving twins! I am curious, though, if humans are so pale and slim and delicate, what are the Hindu gods shaped like? It would make sense for the Hindu gods to be of a darker complexion than the European Christian ones, but are the Hindu gods just also built like oak trees? I also liked your characterizations of Adam and Eve. Everyone in this story just has so much personality and its wonderful!
ReplyDeleteHi Joni,
ReplyDeleteYour story is very interesting. I have yet to come across a website with such integration. I think it is so great that you are mixing the two to create essentially your understanding of characters in Indian Epics based off of your own knowledge from Christianity. Your understanding of both sides of the story are quite interesting. However, I do agree with Alex above that the twins are neither good nor bad entirely. So it could be important to emphasize their good qualities in your story so you do not lead to misunderstandings among others. It is best to be as accurate as possible. Nonetheless, I love your incorporation of the two stories. You really made sure that you brought in details and dialogue that could help in imagining the story as well as providing information. I am curious as to why you chose to integrate the two? I look forward to your future stories.
Hi Joni!
ReplyDeleteThe story you wrote was fun for me to read. I have read the Bible story of Adam and Eve so many times. Knowing the way that story goes, every moment of your story had me on the edge of my seat to see where you were going to go with it. Turns out, both ended quite similarly with the introduction of sin and shame brought to the human race. Replacing the Devil with the two mischievous twins I thought was creative even though the Devil is all evil while the twins are just pranksters.
I thought your writing was great. I especially liked the line, "They’re paler than snow, slimmer than a tree’s trunk, and as delicate as the petals of a new bloom. How ridiculous." Your use of comparison through similes was great. This line is also what you would expect a god might say about a mere human being
I also really like the poem spoken by who I think was Bhrama at the end. That was a great way to tie the story together. As of now I cannot think of any critiques.
Hi Joni,
ReplyDeleteI think your storybook introduction was incredibly interesting. I like the idea of a universal author that weaved the structure and symbolism for all of our stories long before humans even learned how to write. I often think about this question, what could be the source of our shared mythology? Some say God, others say the collective unconscious, Jung called them Archetypes, the symbols that we all instinctively attach the same meaning to, regardless of culture. Maybe it's just instinct, like how birds know to fly south or build their nests. We, in the same way, know of the archetypes of the wise old man, the virgin mother, original sin, and the trickster. We know that unexplained good comes from Gods and benevolent spirits, that unexplained evils are the work of demons and vengeful spirits. It's written down in the blueprints of our brain, maybe as a way to process the world, maybe it's necessary for consciousness to exist, and more than likely it predates us as a species. But I like the name "The Author" I look forward to seeing where you take your stories!
I just read your first story, that was really good. I thought it was interesting take on the old creation story in the bible and the tale of original sin. I liked the way that the trickster twins looked at the humans, seeing them as weak, ignorant, and backwards creatures. I also liked the way that Brahma addressed the humans after they sinned. It was very reminiscent of what God says in Genesis 2:17, that Adam has cursed all of mankind to eat by the sweat of their brow. You kept the same essence but made it your own and fit it into the world of the Hindu Gods. I would have loved to read more of your stories but you just had the one on your portfolio, plus your introduction I guess. Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading more stories from you, so far they've been very enjoyable! Take care now.
ReplyDeleteHi Joni, first off, I loved your story. I think your choice to utilize religion and the original story of Adam and Eve was very clever. I love stories that have a sense or base off of another story and then are manipulated into something different. Your allusion of the author was clever as well because I am intrigued to know more and read more about how that specific choice of writing will take this story even further. The imagery itself makes me see myself being there and I think this helps me stay intrigued asa the story progresses. I like how you made this your own, as rewriting a story can be hard to guide it down your own path, but overall I think you did a great job doing so.
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ReplyDeleteI like the amount of detail that you had in your story. It kept me engaged throughout the story. Also, I liked your work choice. This is something that I have been working on in my own stories, so I will definitely take inspiration from your story. If I had to critique your story, then I would maybe say that add some background to some of the characters that you introduce in your story other than your main characters. The thing is that maybe not everyone knows who those characters are. If you can’t incorporate it in your story, then it would be better to add in your author’s note. I like the amount of dialogue that you added in your story. I have been reading a lot of stories and many of them don’t have as much dialogue like your story does. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and can’t wait to read more of your stories.
Howdy Joni,
ReplyDeleteI would like to start by saying I like they layout and design of your website. It was really clean and simple. It was easy to navigate and looks really great.
I thought your first story, "An offering of Mischief," was an interesting spin on the traditional Adam and Eve story. I found that the twins being the gods of medicine and healing was also interesting. I have never been into mythology, gods, or goddesses, but I really enjoyed reading your story. I also really loved the imagery you included in your story. I do not think I have any suggestions for this story as of right now.
I thought "Bathing in Sins" was just as entertaining as the first story. I found that the imagery in this story was on par with that of the first. I do have a question for you to mull over though. You mentioned what compelled Eve to follow Yama to Yami, but you did not tell your readers in specific why Adam was hesitant besides the obvious apple incident. Did you ever consider putting in why Adam had a bad feeling about following Yama, but Eve was fully trusting even after the apple incident? Overall, I found your stories amusing. They were also written very well in my opinion.
Hi Joni!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your storybook, and the manner in which you combined elements of different religions. It’s fascinating how many parallels there are in the creation stories told in the various religions, and I love how you combined the story of Adam and Eve with Indian epics. I also just want to compliment you on how well written these stories are; they flow very nicely and are easy to follow. In terms of the first story, I think it would be helpful to provide a little more context about the parameters Adam and Eve were given in this version of the creation story. Did Brahma forbid them from leaving the clearing, or eating apples from the tree? It would help explain some of his anger if so. Another thing that perplexed me a little at first was the title “Bathing in Sin” because I misinterpreted it to mean that Adam and Eve fell further into sin, rather than that their sins were washed away, and they were able to approach the world anew. I love what you have written so far, and can’t wait to read the next installment!
Joni, let me just say - your writing style is REALLY enjoyable to read. The sentence flow, the vocabulary, the descriptions are a step above the average writer's.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook basis is intriguing. Adam and Eve's journey told through encounters with various sets of twins found in Indian mythological literature (there's a brand new sentence if I've ever heard one). The cause of the fall of man is portrayed as not from the serpent, but from a set of mischievous twins. And their exile from "Eden" is also not because God barred the way back, but out of their own volition (and help from Yama/Yami). A fascinating take on the beginning of man's journey on the earth!
One problem I have with your portrayal of Adam and Eve, especially if you're trying to match the Biblical Adam and Eve, is that, especially in Adam's case, they weren't really created with "empty minds." In fact, the Biblical account infers that they were quite intelligent - Adam was tasked with naming all the animals, and even longs to have a counterpart! And Eve, a direct product of Adam with the same life, would be the same. Overall, though, I think your writing is fantastic and I'm excited to keep reading about their journey.
Hi Joni!
ReplyDeleteOoooh, I love your introduction! I love the storybook idea and I am really excited to read your stories! There do seem to be quite a few pairs of twins in mythology and these Epics. Your first story was amusing. I like the way that you have the Ashwini Twins characterize Adam and Eve. Its funny looking at them from a different perspective. It seems that you have very thoroughly researched these stories. I don't remember ever coming across Yama and Yami, however it is difficult to remember as many names as this class has presented to us. I am excited to see the other characters you bring to your story. I like the set up of your site and appreciate the separation of the author's note (I even decided to do that on my site) I really like your writing style and can't wait to read more!
Hello again Joni!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story "An Offering of Mischief". I really liked your storybook, and how you decided to write stories about twins. Those Ashwini twins have proven to be very ornery indeed! I like that you have included Adam and Eve into your storybook. Not only the characters we have in the reading material for this course. You write very well. The story had a nice flow to it, and it kept me wanting to know where the story was going.
Hey Joni,
ReplyDeleteI just read through all your storybook project and I absolutely love your concept and execution! Your introduction really drew me in and excited me. What an awesome idea to interweave the written word of western and eastern cultures through this christian story that most of us have grown up on! Great choice of images for your project as well, they all follow a common theme that helps connect the stories together and I felt that I had a hint as to what the story would be about just from the picture you attached to them.
"An Offering of Mischief" was a superb story! The way you opened with the remarks of the Ashwini twins on the state of these new creations was a super clever way to set the scene and also establish something about these characters! I really liked how the Ashwini twins, just like Lucifer, used charm and cunning to deceive Adam and Eve. The voice of Brahma resounding at the end was a cool way to end your first story and transition to the second, I really love how true you stayed to the moral of the original story while fully incorporating the Indian figures which we have grown to know through this course!
Hi Joni!
ReplyDeleteWow, you have chosen such a unique and creative topic for your storybook project. I really appreciated how well everything flowed together. It made me so excited to read each story because I was so excited to find out how they were going to tie together. I especially thought it was cool how you were able to tie in two characters that seem so far away from our normal topic of conversation in these stories. I was not expecting the fun way that you incorporated them into your stories. I think it was cool because it brought a whole new point of view into the situation and also kind of made you think back on the original version of Adam and Eve and how well this one lines up with it. Very creative choice! I hope I get to read more of your stories in the future!! Good luck with the rest of the semester.
Hey Joni,
ReplyDeleteThis week we are focusing on paragraph structure so I paid extra attention to that when reading your work. I read all of the stories you have posted so far in your project. I really enjoyed the stories and the creativity of your project. The amount of dialog you included into some stories was great and others lacked as much dialog. Not saying that it is a bad thing. It is just something I noticed. "An offering of mischief" has more quotes than "A womb of weeds". I liked seeing you use different writing styles. This also changed the way you broke up your paragraphs and you did that well too. You organized your stories in a way that fits with the writing style. I think that is really cool.
Good job with your project so far!
Hi Joni!
ReplyDeleteI love how you tied this storybook together! Your last story was very well written, and I think it once again had just the right balance of biblical and Indian epics content. I liked how you took the story of Shardwana, and tied it in with Adam and Eve. You also did an excellent job taking a somewhat difficult topic and writing about it in a classy (for lack of a better word) way. I also love the little quip you throw in about redheads. I really don’t have much to say in the way of suggestions, because the storybook seems complete, but perhaps you could include some more descriptions about Eve and her thoughts about wanting children? I think expanding a bit more on how Eve wanted to be able to build a life and a family with Adam could make the story a little more compelling, but other than that I don’t really have any other suggestions to make!
Hey Joni!
ReplyDeleteI love how this story book has gone! I am also molding two different stories and cultures. I did mine so different from yours I really appreciate how yours just interact as one. That is so hard because you want to do as much justice to the story as possible but still create your own. I think you have really done that. The only thing I can think of is that I want some more details about the characters. When they tell a little about themselves and their intention, not just their impact, I get so drawn in. So don't be afraid to make them complete! Great job!